t byfield on Mon, 2 Mar 1998 23:38:50 +0100 (MET)

[Date Prev] [Date Next] [Thread Prev] [Thread Next] [Date Index] [Thread Index]

<nettime> [FWD] towards a europanto: a five-year plan

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement 
has been reached to adopt ENGLISH as the preferred language for 
European communications, rather than GERMAN, which was the 
other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that
English had some room for improvement, and has accepted a five-
year phased-in plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro 
for short).

in the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly,
sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will
be replaced with "k", not only will this klear up any konfusion, but
typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when 
the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make 
words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be 
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are 
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, 
which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil 
agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" in the languag is 
disgrasful, and that would go.

By the fourth year, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" by "z" and "w" by "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be droped from vords 
kontaining "ou"' and similar changes vud of kors be be aplid to ozer 
kombinations of leters.

After ze fifz yer, ve vil hav a sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubls or difikultis, and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozr.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru. !!!

"...curse you, Byfield....Nurse! Time for my bong hit..."

#  distributed via nettime-l : no commercial use without permission
#  <nettime> is a closed moderated mailinglist for net criticism,
#  collaborative text filtering and cultural politics of the nets
#  more info: majordomo@icf.de and "info nettime" in the msg body
#  URL: http://www.desk.nl/~nettime/  contact: nettime-owner@icf.de