Luther Blissett on Wed, 31 Mar 1999 07:29:13 +0200 (CEST)

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<nettime> Kosovo, Iron Lungs And Hard Cocks

[All the Luther Blissetts involved in the *Q* operation decided to turn
every evening of  their much-hyped promotional tour into an anti-war
agit-prop performance. This text is based upon the stand-up act I'm doing
these days, with striking responses from the audience (standing ovations,
etc.) ]


Although you're here because I'm a novelist, I'm not going to talk about my
book. It would be *immoral* not to talk about this war, as military
aircraft takes off from the Adriatic coast, just a few miles away from this

As a matter of fact, *Q* is a Trojan horse manifactured by radical
opponents to the present-day world order; its makers at the Luther Blissett
Project managed to intrude themselves into Troy, that is mainstream pop
culture, and now they're "hi-jacking" every conference, public reading and
debate, taking every opportunity to speak out against bloodbath disguised
as "Humanitarianism". 
Now that Luther Blissett reached no.2 in the national Hit Parade of books,
s/he's got the duty to be uncompromising. You'd rather listen to some
complaisant hack? Fuck off and die, then.  

What do you think our novel is about? In the 16th century the Great Powers
of Europe were head over heels in debt, and had to stir up religious
conflicts for strategical reasons. When these conflicts became gangrenous,
new international alliances were stipulated to "enforce peace", liquidate
God's enemies and establish a New European Order (1555, the Augsburg
Treaty, "cuius regio, eius religio"). There were "multinational
contingents" of Lansquenets, columns of refugees escaping from villages on
fire, "limited national sovereignties" etc. 

Is there something vaguely familiar? Ever get the feeling you're being
Doesn't the Fuggers' Bank resemble the International Monetary Fund, the
World Bank and the likes? Doesn't Charles V's turbulent empire resemble
today's Europe? Aren't today's "international police operations" carnages
perpetrated by high-tech lansquenets in the name of God, Peace, Democracy
or whatever can gild the poison pill? 
Historical novels, unless they're *Ramses*-like crap, are always political
statements, and *Q* is our statement against "humanitarian" war propaganda,
as well as - on another level of intepretation - against censorship, the
new Inquisition and the ongoing Catholic "Reconquista" .
One is never delirious about mothers and fathers: one is delirious about
nations, borders, ethnic groups, races, classes... In recent years we have
been delirious about Europe - all of us: myself, the Pope, Milosevic, Emma
Bonino, Marc Dutroux...  
Europe doesn't exist, nor do we need to feel sorry about it. Identity is
only and always something we've lost (or rather, something we never had),
and the more we talk about Europe, "Europeanism", European Culture etc.,
the more these spectres fade away in the distance. United Europe is one of
the tallest lies ever: Bundesbank, IMF, *Pensée Unique*, Enfopol, American
bases everywhere... And yet it's no good to be "anti-American", just as it
is useless to be "anti-European". There's no tactical choice but hiding
ourselves *within* Europe in order to escape and make fun of kapos:
'Very few prisoners made up their mind about escaping from Dora, and those
who tried were tracked down by the dogs and hung on their return to the
camp... So the Russians adopted another tactic: one day they hid inside the
camp, for example under a Block... The nazis sought for them outside, and
obviously didn't find them... After a week  they gave up searching. That's
when the Russians escaped for real. They had good chances of making it,
since nobody was seeking them anymore.' 

The problem is not "America", "Europe" or "limited national sovereignties"
etc. The problem is capital, its *unlimited* sovereignty. People talk about
nationalisms and ethnic policies, but those are just epiphenomena: the
telluric shock that causes subsidence and landslides is still the clash
between classes, division of labor on a planetary scale... And yet
epiphenomena have devastating consequences...

The NATO bombings prove that Europe doesn't exist. Just fancy Italy! This
government is of little worth, a coalition of weaklings and pygmies.
They're so used to talk about UDR being the tongue of the parliamentary
compass, or the Senate's "mixed group" being over-crowded, that they hardly
imagine there's a whole world outside the iron lung of grotesque
provincialism that both emprisons them and keeps them alive (or rather,
undead). It is stomach-turning enough to witness a bunch of freaks such as
the PdCI [Partito dei Comunisti Italiani] becoming the coalition's
"critical conscience", being content with the fact that "our" aircraft is
not dropping bombs, while the whole country is reduced to a colossal
flattop, and Italy is on the front row of this war. 

NATO bombings considerably worsened the situation in Kosovo, interrupted
food re-stockings and induced a large portion of Yugoslavian public opinion
to side with Milosevic, turning the latter scumbag into a bold, daring
patriot. Either Wesley Clark and his chums are a bunch of morons, or
there's a hidden agenda common to both parties.

Does Kosovo really exist? Come on, let's be serious, who ever gave a flying
fuck about Kosovo at NATO headquarters? I'm not the first to say that this
pretext is absolutely unbelievable, and I'll change my mind when I witness
NATO aircraft bombing Morocco in support of the Saharawi. 
It took years before people doubted the incident in the Tongking Gulf which
provided the pretext for the Vietnam war. Progress exists after all: nobody
really buys the bullshit about Rambouillet, not even those who vigorously
state the contrary. 
As to the KLA, we were repeatedly told that it comprised about 30,000
guerrillas, and yet Serbian comb-outs in Kosovo are encountering no armed
opposition. Where are those 30,000 heroes? Why aren't they fighting back as
they're backed up by NATO air strikes? Does the KLA really exist or is it
an invention of US propaganda?

It might have been any other pretext, the aim is making "Europe" feel the
presence of the *carabineros*, confirming that no antagonism will be
tolerated on this soil. What is more, such a masculine strength test was
necessary in order to supercede the Alliance's identity crisis, harden its
character armor, prove that the balls (albeit rarely used) are still at
their place, and no Milosevic may take the liberty of busting them.

However, as stated above, identity is something we've lost (just like
rights: one starts to claim them once their violation has become
everybody's recurrent behavior). NATO is a 50-year-old big man that never
screwed but doesn't want to die a virgin, thus he assaulted and raped the
first walk-up fuck he bumped into: Yugoslavia.   
A common idiom among "straight chauvinist males" goes: 'It takes an iron
stomach and a steel toe-capped cock to screw a tart like that!'. As a
matter of fact, NATO's cock *is* made of steel and the Serbian regime is
far from looking good. As to the iron stomach, unfortunately *we* are the
ones who need it, since the media are stuffing us with pseudo-humanitarian
shit. In such cases, *ius resistantiae*  [the right to resistance]
encompasses retching and throwing up.

If there's no common hidden agenda, then Wesley Clark is an idiot. Where
the fuck is the "art of war"? If Sun Tsu were alive, he'd beat NATO field
officers with a stick. After less than a week of war, they no longer know
what to do, we hear them arguing that black is white and white black,
rambling about "phase B" and air-landing operations... A bunch of lunatics
playing Risiko in the asylum's toy library. 

And Bill Clinton? Posterity will remember him as a blow-job freak (which I
am myself) and an exceptional instigator of Anti-Americanism. Each of his
"humanitarian" operations increases hate. As Malcolm X would put it, the
chickens of violence will return to Whitey's poultry pen: the US chose to
play the "tough cop", but no-one's playing the "good cop". When some cops
come to a very bad end,  the Pentagon will resort to Nazi arithmetic ("One
GI killed, ten civilians bombed"). Any sociopath with access to an arsenal
will then stand as a hero of resistance, as Saddam, Milosevic and Osama Bin
Laden are already doing. A shitstorm is to come, unless we ignite
opposition here in the West.

Yes, Milosevic's regime is authoritarian, repressive, liberticide and,
maybe, guilty of genocidal intentions, but... Does any of you remember what
happened in Timisoara back in 1989? A fake carnage staged by coupists and
former Securitate agents. Corpses were stolen from the morgue, mutilated
and piled up in the street. And the snuff movies presumably shot by Serbian
troopers in 1991-92? Nobody saw them, then the rumor slowly faded out. And
that Swiss tourist who spent his thrilling holidays as a sniper on the
Sarayevo hills? Did any of you meet him?
I think we should think twice before buying the urban legends spread by the
CIA's Shit Department. 

Each time a nation, an army and/or a head of state are charged with "crimes
against humanity" or whatever, check the ID of those who are "representing"
wo/mankind: you'll probably find out that they're as rotten as the ones
they're accusing. For instance, as regards Italy, the most enthusiastic
advocates of this war are the Radical Party, Emma Bonino and the likes... I
hope you remember that they also supported the Israeli massacres at Sabra
and Chatila, as well as any other pogrom and butchery perpetrated by
Israelis within and beyond their borders. Compared to their pal Begin,
Milosevic is a merry prankster.

The US aircraft dropped on Vietnam thousands of dolls stuffed with
explosive. The timing was perfect: they usually blew up while children were
playing with them. Numberless splinters ran into the children's bodies,
crippling forever those who didn't die there and then. The splinters were
made of a plastic material, invisible to X-rays, impossible to remove
And Napalm? What a brilliant invention, a combustible that keeps burning
you alive underwater. 
Other masterpieces were tested in Panama (1989) and Irak (1991) - to the
extent that a number of Gulf veterans are dying of cancer due to contact
with chemical weapons. 

Aren't these "crimes agains humanity"? You bet your ass they are, and yet
we never saw Norman Schwarzkopf on the dock, 'cause he was one of the good
guys, *he* put people on the dock. 
We must refuse this "Cardassian" administration of justice (see *Star Trek:
Deep Space Nine*), that sentences defendants as guilty *before* the trial. 
We must be suspicious of those who put the fingers on the world's public
enemies, and always resist, sabotage and ridicule these international
police operations. 
Thank you very much for your attention.

Luther Blissett, Faenza, 29 March 1999

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