Cip on Mon, 24 Aug 1998 05:50:08 +0200 (MET DST)

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<nettime> ZONELAM 98

[Originally circulated Thu, 6 Aug 1998 16:19:12 -0400.]


As this newspage goes to the Web at the stroke of midnight of 4th August
1998, the Coalition Government in Goa led by Dr. Wilfred de Souza has
managed to come to at least one unanimous decision: they have commissioned
Bill Gates to create a Konkani Version of Windows 98 exclusively for Goa
and other Konkan regions in India.

The Microsoft Team is already hard at work on this new totally interactive
CD-ROM upgrade, which is to be called:


In this version, a mouse shall be called UNDIR.

A mouse button shall be called UNDRACHO BUTAO.

As ZONELAM 98 opens, the theme music shall be 'UNDRA MOJEA MAMA'.

Here is a preview of some Commands which have already been worked out by
the Micorsoft Team USA, which has entered into special inter-global
collaboration with the Gulf Konkan Advisors Inc. led by Miss Lianne
Rodricks from Reuters Abu Dabi, and the Goenkar Papde Association from
Siolim, exclusively for this project:

Ignore = mar shendi
Exit = vashimbor
Click = fottu kadd
Double click = don fottu kadd
Byte = ghanss maar
Save = bankan dorr
Hide = lipoi
Unhide = sogleank dakoi
Hang = lamboi
Stop = tamboi
Move = aloi
Turn on = pettoi
Turn off = paloi
Yahoo = Shami Kapoor

The name BILL GATES would translate as KONTACHE DARVANTTE.

The name MICROSOFT would translate as DAKTTULO POCHPOCHIT.

There is still some disagreement over whether the ZONELAM 98 version will
use the Devnagri or the Roman script. Mr Churchill Alemao has however
denounced that this disagreement is purely politically motivated, and has
suggested a novel way to reach a compromise by using the Greek script, as
he claims that that is what computers are to him.

Apple Macintosh, of course, has made a very strong bid for a Konkani
version of their own superior but limited-use specialised software. However
the latest update on the situation is that the Goan Coalition Government
has insisted they change their logo from an Apple to a Cashew first.

Finally, should one fail to exit ZONELAM 98 properly before shut-down, the
new version has been fitted with a warning device which will activate a
reminder alarm in two voice harmony digitally sampled from the vocal cords
of Goan troubadors Mr. Caetano de Abreu and Mr. Timoteo Fernandes:

"Goenchim computeram
 Mottinch pomprelam
 Ratim ukttim dottai Zonelam...
 Hoi, Zonelam."

Microsoft seeks further additions and improvements to their new sofware.
If you support ZONELAM 98 in Konkani, let this project grow and flourish.
E-mail your own original suggestions to:

If your suggestion is implemented, you win a free copy of ZONELAM 98
which is scheduled to come out in the year 2000.

					by Remo Fernandes
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