<nettime> ur-europanto redivivus: FT on clinton

[t byfield <tbyfield@panix.com>]

"'novus economicus' salutavit." 

cheers,
t


<http://news.ft.com/servlet/ContentServer?pagename=FT.com/StoryFT/FullStory&c=StoryFT&cid=1039524323024&p=1012571727269>

Finis coronat opus

Published: January 9 2003 4:00 | Last Updated: January 9 2003 4:00

With the death of Lord Jenkins of Hillhead, a vacancy has arisen for the
chancellorship of Britain's oldest university. The name of Bill Clinton, a
member of University College, Oxford, has been proposed as a candidate.

Here at last is a chance for the former president to get back into the
electoral fray. The election, in which all 50,000 or so living graduates
are eligible to vote, may prove irresistible to the former president. And
if he does run he will surely prove irresistible to the voters - again.

Traditionally Oxford's Public Orator heralds such great occasions with a
Latin citation. Here is a preview.

"Magnam gaudeam nuntio vobis. Habemus Cancellarius! Guilelmus Clinton est,
quondam collegium universitatem discipulus et imperator stati americani
consociati.

"In res publicis et civitatis homo erectus stupendus ut in mens et in
corpore. Philosophus profundus, per exemplo, 'Quae quod significatio verbi
"est" est?'

"Libidensis gigantem, sed sub uxorem potenta et bellicosa, Hillaria
Rodham, multos annos laboravit.

"Gubernator arkansensi, scandalos multos tenebat, notabile AquaAlba
realtoribus, monti Ozarki.

"MCMLXXXXII electio americano ipsorum scandalorum et aliorum survivit.
Herba marijuana fumerat (sed non inhalerat), legionus Americanus evaderat,
cum multibus feminibus dormaverat.

"Autem, per celebrissimo dicto, 'Res economicus est, Stupidus,' vincit
imperator americanus George Bush, pater imperatori hodie maxime crassi et
periculosi, quoque George W. Bush.

"Regnum Clintoni benignus erit. In rebus domesticis deficit reductio
fecit, Securitatis Socialis salvatus, gigantum mercatus taurus supervisus
est, 'novus economicus' salutavit. Simul, in rebus internationalismus
bonus erit. Multilateralismus conducit. Cum amico intimo Antonius Blair,
primus ministrum britannicus, Viam Tertiam creavit.

"Sed Eheu! Magnum disastrum suscepit sua maxima culpa. Per noctem,
Novembre MCMLXXXXV Alia Occidentalis Domus Albus laborante, sibi pizza
donata est a Monica Lewinsky, puella pulchrissima, sensuosa
californicante, fellatrix superiore.

" 'Non coitus est cum hac femina,' dixit. Sed, per laborem longus et
penetrante Kennethi Starri, procurator independentus, et senatoribus
Republicanis agitates, testimonia inculpata; togam maculatam, cigarrus
grandus, revelata sunt. Domus Representatis imperator Clinton defenestrare
tentavit. Senatus, 50-50 divisa est, absolvit.

"Deinde, pontem centuria XXI construit, sed per Bush Filius, Enron, OrbCom
et al, post brevi tempore deletus est.

"Semper, factio Democratico Americano, mutatis mutandis universitato
oxoniensi fortasse, multi denarii petet. Gratias agimus.

"Ergo Cancellarius Universitatis Oxoniensi! Mentor feminae juvenaliae
britannicae! Clintonus Maximus! Ave! Genuflexamus! Qui officum donari
salutant!"




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