Dimitri Devyatkin on Sun, 24 Feb 2002 07:35:01 +0100 (CET)

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[Nettime-bold] Taliban were awarded victory in the Afghanistan war last night

----- Original Message -----
From: Dimitri Devyatkin <devyatkin@earthlink.net>
To: Dimitri Devyatkin <devyatkin@earthlink.net>
Sent: Sunday, February 24, 2002 1:27 AM
Subject: [globalnews] Taliban were awarded victory in the Afghanistan war
last night

Afghan Fighters' Artistic Impression Marks Mysteriously Higher

Salt Lake City, Utah (SatireWire.com) - Despite making what most observers
agreed were "obvious technical errors," such as surrendering, the Taliban
were awarded victory in the Afghanistan war last night after the French
judge said they won on presentation.

   British and American Defense Secretaries Hoon (left) and Rumsfeld cannot
hide their dismay as their marks are posted.
The decision snatched triumph away from a U.S./U.K. pair who most agreed put
on a magical, career-defining performance last month. It also stirred an
immediate controversy, as analysts questioned how five judges - from France,
Russia, China, Poland, and Ukraine - could have scored the Taliban higher
than the American/British fighters.

"When the Americans and British finished, I thought, 'That's it. They've
won,'" said Abdur Muhammed, a former Syrian general and now color
commentator with Al Jazeera. "But when I saw the scores last night, frankly,
I was embarrassed for our profession."

However, a defiant Marie-Reine Le Gougne, the French judge who marked the
Taliban a 5.9 out of a possible 6.0 for artistic impression, insisted the
Afghan regime was much more eloquent.

"Hiding in caves, fighting with inferior weapons, the maneuvers they
attempted were clearly more difficult," said Le Gougne. "And artistically,
they were much more graceful, particularly with their hands."

"But their hands primarily went up," responded CNN military color analyst
Gen Wesley Clark..

"Yes, but they were very fluid movements," Le Gougne answered.

That explanation only heightened calls for reform in warfare judging, and by
today, pressure was mounting on the International Warfare Union to at least
declare the U.S./U.K. duo as co-winners.

Taliban leader Mullah Omar, however, defended the scoring. "I don't see what
the debate is about," he said. "Victory goes to whomever pleases the judges.
We fought beautifully and deserved this win."

While clearly devastated, U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld refused to
be drawn into the debate. "War is subjective. It's judged," he said. "As
soldiers we have to be happy that we did our best, and put this behind us."

British Defence Secretary Geoff Hoon, however, hinted the U.K. may consider
retiring from war. "When you work so hard to make your dreams come true,
only to have them snatched away like this, it's... it's disillusioning,"
said Hoon, as he buried his face in his hands. "I only hope our judges
return the favor the next time France competes."

Copyright  2002, SatireWire.

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