bc on Thu, 14 Feb 2002 02:29:01 +0100 (CET)

[Date Prev] [Date Next] [Thread Prev] [Thread Next] [Date Index] [Thread Index]

[Nettime-bold] evildoers anonymous

  [have been pondering a button that says "I am not a Terrorist", and
  what mass response wearing it would bring in the duplicitous world.]

"In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran and North Korea 'Axis of Evil"
-- N.Y. Times, 1/30/02

Cuba, Sudan, Serbia Form Axis of Somewhat Evil; Other Nations Start Own Clubs


Beijing (SatireWire.com) - Bitter after being snubbed for membership 
in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they 
had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way 
eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush 
warned of his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as 
having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as 
Evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. 
"Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're 
the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, 
although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of 

"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi 
President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In 
World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So 
you can only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool."


International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, 
as within minutes, France surrendered.

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status 
in what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia 
said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to 
join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while 
Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of Not So Much 
Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs 
filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be 
called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly 
Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and Australia 
formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly 
Have Nasty Thoughts About America, while Spain, Scotland, and New 
Zealand established the Axis of Countries That Sometimes Ask Sheep to 
Wear Lipstick.

"That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said 
Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps 
making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, 
although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose 
Names End in "Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a false 
application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied 
the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but 
privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.


Copyright  2002, SatireWire.  [.edu fair-use 2oo2]

Nettime-bold mailing list