Phil Graham on 22 Dec 2000 05:08:11 -0000

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[Nettime-bold] News: God angered over supreme court ruling


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Bush to be smitten later today

In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation under 
God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule last week's Supreme 
Court decision that handed the White House to George Bush.

"I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on a 
rare Today Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not  going to lie back 
and let Bush get away with this bull***t."

"I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count in 
Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO know  exactly who 
voted for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20,219 

Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict overrules 
the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving 
him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God's Word for 
possible grounds for appeal.

"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign strategist Jim 
Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential Election is 
unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the constitution of the state of 

"Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises ahead of 
him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean."

God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct, 
explained that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no grounds 
to give the White House to "a friggin' idiot."

"Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for  Buchanan. Get real! 
The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't believe me? I'll name them: 
Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, Ron...."

Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George W. Bush's 
prideful ways and announced that he would officially smite  him today. In 
an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God has taken 
all of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and 
possessions, sold his family into slavery, forced the former presidential 
candidate into hard labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep boils.

Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.

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