Bruce Sterling on 2 Oct 2000 03:37:14 -0000

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*There seems to be a minor misapprehension among some parties
that I myself am writing these pieces from
I promist that I am not doing this.  They are written by some guy named
Dave. I am not that funny.

Bruce Sterling

To: <>
Subject: Earth a Franchise, Astrophysicists Discover
Date: Sun, Oct 1, 2000, 08:36 PM

December 8, 2162

Earth a Franchise, Astrophysicists Discover

CANBERRA--Money, it seems, really does make the world go round.  A team of
top astronomers has today announced observational confirmation of Margarite
Fury's controversial General Theory of Unified Universal Monetary Force.
Working at the Rudyard Kipling Indenational Observatory, the team spotted
and documented a companion, or "franchise," Earth in the remote V-137

 "It's really quite an astounding find," exclaims team leader Frances Polt,
"unparalleled in my 30 year career.  The observations predicted by
Professor Fury's work are really starting to crop up at a rate that tends
to confirm her insights, but this find is more important for the Theory
than anything to date."

 "The General Theory," explains Professor Fury from her office in
Reykjavik, "generalizes my findings concerning the monetary force
commonality underlying the four fundamental forces.  I realized there that
the four forces were, at root, economic in nature, but that, when observed
on the quantum level, they weren't recognizable on the observational scales
conventionally used in the financial world.  Capital economies fixate upon
large masses of funds; they never consider that the fundament of
money--unaccountably small fractions of pennies, for example--might also be
the fundament of matter.  The physics community, likewise, failed to
recognize the link."

 Professor Fury's General Theory predicts that astronomical observations
will identify in the structure of the universe common economic principles
of organization, including franchising.  The franchise Earth, provisionally
called "Earth F" by the Kipling team, shares with our Earth a common
"matter plan" and "marketing scheme."  "If you look at the profile and
content of signals Earth F is sending out, you'll see that they're
following the same communications strategy that we are," notes Kipling's
Polt.  "They're message to the universal market is the same as ours.
Together we should be achieving some market synergies that non-franchised
planets can't."

 In the wake of the recognition of Earth's franchise status, the race is on
to discover our corporate headquarters.  "Now that there is some real
observational data to confirm the General Theory it makes sense to look
seriously at some of the corollaries of franchising," concedes long-time
Fury critic Professor Angstrom Ship of the Harvard Institute of Technology.
 "If these data are right, and if the General Theory is right, there's a
lot to be learned from headquarters, a lot that will explain the formal and
physical constraints that have shaped our short planetary history."

 Some other respected public figures continue to dispute Fury's work,
including the fairly widely accepted Special Theory of Unifying Monetary
Force.  "The Special Theory reeks of a suspect animism," points out Hillary
Ja, an out-spoken lay-critic.  "It talks about these primordial quantum
'monies' which determine the way we are, the way the whole universe is.
Does that make sense to you?  Is it all about money?"

 "There is quite a bit of resistance in the public imagination to the
implications of the Special Theory," Professor Fury responds.  "But, as
untold experimental observations have confirmed, the universe is,
fundamentally, economic.  Whether we despair at the realization, or profit
by it, is up to us."


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